My Top 5 March Gripes

ONE

Glass ketchup bottles.
One of my most favourite things is breakfast. I especially like breakfast whilst staying in a fancy-pants hotel. But what I cannot stand (with a passion I might add) is Heinz Tomato Ketchup in a glass bottle. Ugh. They made squeezy bottles for a reason – so you could actually get some ketchup before your Full English gets stone-cold. It ends up being plain embarrassing as I see my husband who is sat opposite me wincing whilst I violently shake the bottle and make growling noises. I can see him on one hand slowly reaching to take the bottle from my grasp and on the other hand he’s ready to duck under the table should we have a ketchup explosion. It’s such hard work and not to mention soooo eighties. Please stop with this madness, Heinz. Just stop.

TWO

The Ideal Home Show.
This was my first year at Ideal Home Show and I was super excited. Needn’t of been. It was pretty boring.

THREE

Bumping into ex-boyf at the zoo.
It was a beautiful day and my husband Stuart and I wandered about aimlessly at Chester Zoo in the sunshine eating ice-cream. All was well until… we reached the giraffe area. I was taking a few photos and Stuart had wondered off. It was at that moment I saw Mr Ex. He was looking right at me. I looked right back at him aghast. Oh. My. God. OK Sonia, don’t make any sudden movements. Is that him? Maybe that’s not him. Is he…smiling at me? OK I think that’s him. So being the mature individual I am, I did a 180° turn and ran, and hid behind a big sign. Stuart walked back towards me looking confused as to why his wife is keeled over like a loon with her face pressed against the back of a ‘what giraffes eat’ sign (he’s a lucky guy).

Thankfully I didn’t see him again, but I did find myself wondering why oh why didn’t I bring my over-sized sunglasses and big floppy hat? And maybe a fake moustache and newspaper. I realised this was silly, after all we dated for five years, but that was over ten years ago and we hadn’t kept in contact. It was just sheer surprise that I acted like a complete weirdo. In hindsight, yes I should of handled it like a grown-up, a proper adulty adult. Eh, maybe next time.

FOUR

Crumbs in butter.
Gee whiz, this gets my goat. Crumbs. In. Butter. This isn’t just a March issue it’s a year-round disaster. But in March it’s particularly gruesome because I find bits of raisins from hot cross buns in there. VOM.

FIVE

Wtf to wear.
Seriously, one minute it’s lukewarm, the next it’s Storm Katie. My wardrobe brain is having a melt-down.

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